In Search of Reflection without Narcissism

"The unexamined life is not worth living."
- Socrates, right?

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately - how much (meaning how often, not how highly) are we really to think about ourselves? I mean, I know what Socrates meant; if we are simply drones moving through life without thinking and reflecting, there is no point. Yet, what if examining our lives becomes the point? That seems infinitely worse. I'm certain that a life constantly reflected upon becomes terrifyingly paralyzing.

Why these thoughts lately?
#1 - Foster. Of course, his Prayer book is what first got me contemplating this delicate balance. The first section of his book is dedicated to the "movement inward." And the other day I read his chapter on the Prayer of Examen. I finished the chapter acutely aware of the tension we live in to examen our lives and yet not be narcissistic.
#2 - An entry in a friend's blog. The prayer, "God, distract me from myself" is a profound one that resonates with us all. It's so important not to simply swim in our own thoughts. Sometimes I think that the e-mail, facebook, and yes, even blogs of this society are the biggest culprits that cause us to think about ourselves more than we need to - perhaps more than is healthy.
#3 - The topic at the INN was submission. Submitting to one another - getting underneath each other to lift each other up - is the key to strong relationships. My thought on the way home: "As long as we're thinking about ourselves, we can't submit."
#4 - As I've said and insinuated above, my biggest fear with this blog is that it will cause me to put myself at the center of my life. Recently, I would say I've erred in the other direction - not taking time to reflect. That was a motivating factor to start writing. I certainly want to be cautious of the dangers of too much self-reflection.

I've heard Ryan suggest many times to people who find themselves feeling down to "do something nice for someone else." It's not so profound, really. Basically, "Stop thinking about yourself" or, in the words of the prayer above, allow God to "distract you from yourself."

Where is the balance? I think Foster's words are wise in this. When we move inward, when we search our inner thoughts, we must invite the Lord on the journey. God dwells in us, so self-reflection can lead us to the truth and genuine self-knowledge of who we are and our place in serving our community. It's no coincidence that Jesus put these two side-by-side right after encouraging us to love God: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Don't ignore yourself and try to love your neighbor, but don't turn completely inward, endlessly dissecting your own thoughts.

If only it were as easy to do as it is to say.

Blogger's Remorse

I remembered mid-day Saturday that I had started a blog. I wondered how something like that could happen when I was fully conscious of my behavior at the time. What had come over me? I started to feel buyer's remorse instantly and then I remembered that it's all free. I tried to psychoanalyze why I was experiencing said remorse and I realized that I felt pressure. Pressure to be a good writer and pressure to be funny, for sure - but I don't really care that much about what people think of me, do I? The answer is no. I realized the biggest pressure I felt was to write in this durn thing at all. "I already have so many things going on - what was I thinking? I don't have time for a blog..." Which is when I also remembered I don't have to write in this thing at all. Nobody is paying attention anyway. Besides, if they (I guess that would be YOU) do start paying attention and I stop writing in it, I just bought you time that you would have wasted reading my random thoughts about pointless things.

Speaking of which, it feels arrogant to me to think that anybody would take time to read this. That's dangerous to admit because I have so many blogging friends. Don't take that the wrong way - I don't think you're arrogant. Just me. But, I guess you're under no obligation to read this, even if you are my friend (yes, there are a few people out there that would label themselves such). Soooooo... I guess I'll just assume no one ever reads this and call it good. If you choose to spend your time reading about my life and my thoughts, so be it.

This adventure into blogdom partially came about because several people told me, "You should have a blog. I would read it." I have their names written down and I'm going to quiz them on my blog topics. Question #1: What's the name of my blog and why? Answer to part B: The two best 3-word comebacks of all time. You're in an argument and the other person won't stop making sense. You know you've lost. Either line gets you out 100% free from admitting defeat. What are you supposed to say in response to either line? Trust me - try it.

Wait, WHO'S Just Saying?

I can’t believe I’m even contemplating entrance into the world of Blog. I remember when I first heard about this new aspect of the "World Wide Waste-of-time" on CNN of all places. It’s just like CNN to keep me hip with the kids. My first thought at the time was, “Who wants to read the thoughts of random people? Tell me these aren’t random people writing these things…” Well, the past few years, I have found myself reading several blogs with varying regularity and I have discovered that these people aren’t quite as random as I thought. The blogs I read are all people I knew before finding their blogs and now feel like I know so much better.

Truth be told, I may or may not actually know these people better – part of me wonders if once you start writing a blog you don’t take on a veritable ‘blog persona’ … Regardless, my new realization is that blogs can be fun. And I have been wanting to write more. What better excuse than to start a blog? Perhaps I will end up wasting my time doing so. Maybe no one will read it (part of me actually hopes that is true). Regardless, is it any worse than the ways I waste time now – hanging out with my friends So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, Cash Cab, the Colbert Report, or whoever else my best friend TiVo happens to bring to the party each night? I give a lot of advice to people that includes the phrase “What can it hurt to try it?” and tonight I’m going to take my own advice. Besides, I've had a handful of people tell me they would read my blog if I ever started one (if you are one of those people, I won't hold you to it beyond this first post). Who knows? Maybe I’ll come up with some brilliant thoughts that will change the world. Or perhaps (more likely) a decent thought that will change one person's day. Can’t hurt, right? I’m just saying…