In Search of Reflection without Narcissism

"The unexamined life is not worth living."
- Socrates, right?

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately - how much (meaning how often, not how highly) are we really to think about ourselves? I mean, I know what Socrates meant; if we are simply drones moving through life without thinking and reflecting, there is no point. Yet, what if examining our lives becomes the point? That seems infinitely worse. I'm certain that a life constantly reflected upon becomes terrifyingly paralyzing.

Why these thoughts lately?
#1 - Foster. Of course, his Prayer book is what first got me contemplating this delicate balance. The first section of his book is dedicated to the "movement inward." And the other day I read his chapter on the Prayer of Examen. I finished the chapter acutely aware of the tension we live in to examen our lives and yet not be narcissistic.
#2 - An entry in a friend's blog. The prayer, "God, distract me from myself" is a profound one that resonates with us all. It's so important not to simply swim in our own thoughts. Sometimes I think that the e-mail, facebook, and yes, even blogs of this society are the biggest culprits that cause us to think about ourselves more than we need to - perhaps more than is healthy.
#3 - The topic at the INN was submission. Submitting to one another - getting underneath each other to lift each other up - is the key to strong relationships. My thought on the way home: "As long as we're thinking about ourselves, we can't submit."
#4 - As I've said and insinuated above, my biggest fear with this blog is that it will cause me to put myself at the center of my life. Recently, I would say I've erred in the other direction - not taking time to reflect. That was a motivating factor to start writing. I certainly want to be cautious of the dangers of too much self-reflection.

I've heard Ryan suggest many times to people who find themselves feeling down to "do something nice for someone else." It's not so profound, really. Basically, "Stop thinking about yourself" or, in the words of the prayer above, allow God to "distract you from yourself."

Where is the balance? I think Foster's words are wise in this. When we move inward, when we search our inner thoughts, we must invite the Lord on the journey. God dwells in us, so self-reflection can lead us to the truth and genuine self-knowledge of who we are and our place in serving our community. It's no coincidence that Jesus put these two side-by-side right after encouraging us to love God: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Don't ignore yourself and try to love your neighbor, but don't turn completely inward, endlessly dissecting your own thoughts.

If only it were as easy to do as it is to say.

Neutrality

I would like to offer one more counsel to those who find themselves devoid of the presence of God. It is this: wait on God. Wait, silent and still. Wait, attentive and responsive. Learn that trust precedes faith. Faith is a little like putting your car into gear, and right now you cannot exercise faith, you cannot move forward. Do not berate yourself for this. But when you are unable to put your spiritual life into drive, do not put it into reverse; put it into neutral. Trust is how you put your spiritual life in neutral. Trust is confidence in the character of God. Firmly and deliberately you say, "I do not understand what God is doing or even where God is, but I know that he is out to do me good." This is trust. This is how to wait.
-Richard Foster, Prayer (24)

I love that Foster acknowledges the need at times to put our spiritual lives in neutral. I know I've found myself in that place - where I can't put my foot on the gas pedal to move forward. Perhaps I'm even tempted to put it in park, shut 'er down and start walking. I love this metaphor, though, and the recognition that neutral is not a bad place to be. I have certainly at times found myself idling in my faith but not for a lack of effort. Yet another of Foster's allures - his willingness to admit that it's not always easy.

Have you ever awakened to a day that you have absolutely no plans and you don't really realize it until that morning? What a gift. That's where I find myself today. A blank slate of a day. It is definitely a gift I look forward to opening; it's a chance to take a deep breath and get some oxygen as we prepare to start the marathon that is the school year. Sometimes neutral is a good place to be - not only in our spiritual lives, but in our constant striving toward productivity.

Rock Throwing

I just got back from the Summer INN and as I indulged in my post-Summer-INN-ritual-bowl-of-cereal, I noticed TiVo's red light was on. "But the Daily Show doesn't start for half an hour..." Aw, how sweet! TiVo had a surprise for me. Driving home, I had thought I would turn on NBC to see Phelps win the medals I already knew he had won even though I would see the highlights a bajillion times. But TiVo had other ideas and it turned out to be Demetri Martin: Person. I turned it on and Demetri was in the middle of his "Large Pad" segment. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself to check it out. Make sure you at least get to the part about rock throwing. If you make it through that and have time for more (in other words, you don't need to go change because you peed your pants), you can listen to him sing. He is what you might call a brilliant comedian. Or at least you should call him such.

I wish I got home this early on Tuesdays during the school year. Luckily, I don't even need to be here for TiVo to know what I like. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a roommate like TiVo?

Speaking of which (or not), I started re-reading Richard Foster's book on prayer today. He literally wrote the book on prayer. And he called it Prayer. I appreciate his simplicity. It's true, I love Foster and this book particularly. (I guess that's obvious since this is a re-read.) Foster has a way of making the lofty and spiritual down-to-earth and obtainable. The concept that most stood out as I read his first offering on "Simple Prayer" was this:
"The only place that God can bless us is right where we are, because that is the only place that we are." This is something I have heard expressed a variety of ways, but really stood out to me this morning. Not only is it important for us not to be waiting for the weekend, for our next job, for "this busy week" to be over, to get married, to have kids, to earn enough, to (insert what will lead to happiness here), but it is actually IMPOSSIBLE to be blessed in any moment outside of this one. For whatever reason, that struck me this morning and reminded me to be "present where I'm present," which is an oft-said Gaffism.

I'm off to be present with my pillow and Patito (the giant stuffed duck who shares my bed). But, if you're looking for more laughs, see if you can't hunt down the Daily Show clip that just aired of correspondent Rob Riggle reporting from China about the food. HILARIOUS.