I'm Back... Now Where Did I Leave that Soapbox?

I’m back from my month-long inpatient rehab and though the detox was painful, I have learned there is still reason to live and ways to spend my time other than refreshing bbc.com. For instance, I can take up my soapbox issue: The misuse of “literally.” I know, I know, there are better causes to stand for, but this simply needs to be brought into the light and it distracts me from the world of politics. I heard three absolutely egregious abuses of the defenseless word that must be called out:

“It literally reeks of desperation.” – The writer (a professional writer) did not go on to describe any kind of actual odor. He just compared the concept of a Grammys Nomination Concert to something about Fantasy Football. Do they bottle “Desperation?” I bet it actually smells mysteriously seductive.

Commercial: “If you don’t buy your windows from (insert company name here), you’re literally throwing your money out the window.” – No I’m not, you just happen to use an English idiom to create a clever pun. Perhaps I am figuratively throwing said money, but no cash or coins will actual be expelled from my window.

Sports commentator: “They are literally shooting themselves in the foot right now.” I don’t remember which team was Coug’ing it at the time, but I do know Plaxico Burress was not involved.

The sad thing is, I think our VP-elect is one of the worst abusers of this word… And then there's this. D’oh!

… I might need to check back into Politicaholics Anonymous rehab.

Do They Have a 12-Step Group for This???

Hi, my name is Becky and I'm addicted to political and election news. It's official. I have an addiction. To something more than coffee, that is.

I should have seen the warning signs:

• Watching Rachel Maddow on TiVo before sunrise.
• Getting home from the INN feeling too tired to brush my teeth, but good enough to see what Jon Stewart had to say.
• ...And Colbert too.
• My newfound ability to name a dozen different polling agencies.
  
• Confusing Sarah Palin and Tina Fey.
• Waking up to realize Sean Hannity and Keith Olbermann were in my dream.
• Considering Anderson Cooper and Campbell Brown two of my closest friends.

Now that there is a proverbial light at the end of this pundit- and pander-filled tunnel, I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do with my time. Most people will say they can't wait for this season to be finished so they won't have to watch the ads anymore. I can't help but wonder if they are secretly suffering from the same disease as I am. It's not the ads. It's my inability to turn away from the ads. I should not feel as though I'm on a first-name basis with most of the people pictured.

Don't get me wrong, I pay attention to politics all the time and I also realize nothing really changes on November 5. It's not like I'm being forced to quit cold turkey. This seems analogous to those who are finishing a great novel in one of those (seemingly) never-ending series. Harry Potter comes to mind. I can't wait to see how the story ends, but I will miss it once it's over. In fact, I already went back and re-read the whole metaphorical book before I finished the last chapter. That's right, this weekend - the weekend before the election - I watched a retrospective of the 2008 presidential campaigns. It was a sentimental journey through debates, 3am phone calls, lipstick on a pig, and a few Joes (Biden, Six-pack, and The Plumber). Those were the days.

The first step is admitting you have a problem, right? It's time for me to look up steps 2 through 12. Let's just hope the headaches aren't as bad as when I try to give up coffee.