Who's Right?

"Nobody's perfect"
or
"Practice makes perfect"

...because I'm not sure there's room for both sayings in one language.

I'm Back... Now Where Did I Leave that Soapbox?

I’m back from my month-long inpatient rehab and though the detox was painful, I have learned there is still reason to live and ways to spend my time other than refreshing bbc.com. For instance, I can take up my soapbox issue: The misuse of “literally.” I know, I know, there are better causes to stand for, but this simply needs to be brought into the light and it distracts me from the world of politics. I heard three absolutely egregious abuses of the defenseless word that must be called out:

“It literally reeks of desperation.” – The writer (a professional writer) did not go on to describe any kind of actual odor. He just compared the concept of a Grammys Nomination Concert to something about Fantasy Football. Do they bottle “Desperation?” I bet it actually smells mysteriously seductive.

Commercial: “If you don’t buy your windows from (insert company name here), you’re literally throwing your money out the window.” – No I’m not, you just happen to use an English idiom to create a clever pun. Perhaps I am figuratively throwing said money, but no cash or coins will actual be expelled from my window.

Sports commentator: “They are literally shooting themselves in the foot right now.” I don’t remember which team was Coug’ing it at the time, but I do know Plaxico Burress was not involved.

The sad thing is, I think our VP-elect is one of the worst abusers of this word… And then there's this. D’oh!

… I might need to check back into Politicaholics Anonymous rehab.

Beware the End of the Age

Just overheard on The Daily Show:
"All hell broke loose, quite literally."
I wanted to give you a heads up because I don't think these kinds of things can be contained locally, so it could get ugly everywhere.

Literally Speaking...

I think it's about time for me to weigh in on the Summer Olympics. I miss those darn Olympics. Because they are over, I am reduced to watching the end of a 7-2 Mariner game (or, I suppose) doing something productive.

My favorite Olympic sports to watch this year were volleyball, gymnastics, and of course swimming. My favorite Olympic sport to play this year was "Listen to the announcers misuse the word 'literally.'" I think I would have received at least the silver in that event. I have to warn you, fair reader, that this is a pet peeve of mine. "Literally" has become so overused and misused, that we're going to lose it entirely soon. We must not let it happen!

These were the heinous offenses overheard during the Olympics (even the Canadians screwed it up once; no one is immune!):

- "He is literally that good." (Referring to a baseball player who is so good, he could hit a double.) No. He just plain is that good. He's "very" good or he's "really" good, but what point were you trying to make, Mr. Announcer? "He's not just figuratively that good, people. He's literally that good." What? While we're at it, find another adjective. "Good" is boring. You're paid to describe things with words for a living.
Ahem, sorry for the tirade. It gets worse, though.

- After the Americans won a baseball game: "They literally swept the table with them."
What table? Perhaps they swept said team, in the figurative sense that we have come to use that word meaning they beat them every time they played, but they certainly did not actually break out brooms to do it. If I'm wrong and they did, why didn't they televise that?!?

- While watching diving: "She literally fell apart during the semi-finals."
Ewwwwwwww. I'm glad I didn't have to clean that up. I hope they had doctors on hand to put her back together.

Seriously, people, we can do this. Together we can unite for a better English language. (But don't look to our politicians to bring this change; the presidential candidates have been some of the most egregious offenders I've heard.) "Literally" is an important word and we need to save it. I implore you:

-Let's not use "literally" to help us exaggerate: "He is literally 10 feet tall!" No... No, he's not.
-Let's not use "literally" when there is no figurative option: "He is literally 6 feet tall" is unnecessary unless we are prone to lying and even then we should really say, "He is exactly 6 feet tall," or something to that effect.
-And for goodness' sake, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let us not use "literally" when we mean the exact opposite: "He was so mad, he literally exploded at me." I certainly hope not.

I'm no English teacher nor am I a grammar scholar. I'm simply one woman who wants the word "literally" back for the world's children.