Literally Speaking...

I think it's about time for me to weigh in on the Summer Olympics. I miss those darn Olympics. Because they are over, I am reduced to watching the end of a 7-2 Mariner game (or, I suppose) doing something productive.

My favorite Olympic sports to watch this year were volleyball, gymnastics, and of course swimming. My favorite Olympic sport to play this year was "Listen to the announcers misuse the word 'literally.'" I think I would have received at least the silver in that event. I have to warn you, fair reader, that this is a pet peeve of mine. "Literally" has become so overused and misused, that we're going to lose it entirely soon. We must not let it happen!

These were the heinous offenses overheard during the Olympics (even the Canadians screwed it up once; no one is immune!):

- "He is literally that good." (Referring to a baseball player who is so good, he could hit a double.) No. He just plain is that good. He's "very" good or he's "really" good, but what point were you trying to make, Mr. Announcer? "He's not just figuratively that good, people. He's literally that good." What? While we're at it, find another adjective. "Good" is boring. You're paid to describe things with words for a living.
Ahem, sorry for the tirade. It gets worse, though.

- After the Americans won a baseball game: "They literally swept the table with them."
What table? Perhaps they swept said team, in the figurative sense that we have come to use that word meaning they beat them every time they played, but they certainly did not actually break out brooms to do it. If I'm wrong and they did, why didn't they televise that?!?

- While watching diving: "She literally fell apart during the semi-finals."
Ewwwwwwww. I'm glad I didn't have to clean that up. I hope they had doctors on hand to put her back together.

Seriously, people, we can do this. Together we can unite for a better English language. (But don't look to our politicians to bring this change; the presidential candidates have been some of the most egregious offenders I've heard.) "Literally" is an important word and we need to save it. I implore you:

-Let's not use "literally" to help us exaggerate: "He is literally 10 feet tall!" No... No, he's not.
-Let's not use "literally" when there is no figurative option: "He is literally 6 feet tall" is unnecessary unless we are prone to lying and even then we should really say, "He is exactly 6 feet tall," or something to that effect.
-And for goodness' sake, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let us not use "literally" when we mean the exact opposite: "He was so mad, he literally exploded at me." I certainly hope not.

I'm no English teacher nor am I a grammar scholar. I'm simply one woman who wants the word "literally" back for the world's children.